The Faux News Network Principles
A) We distort, you abide |
| B) Or we retort if you deride, unless we choose not to |
| C) Complete sentences are acceptable in lieu of complete truths |
| D) It’s OK to criticize the 2006 Democratic Congress for all America’s problems since 2001 |
| E) We shoot from the flip |
| F) We’re not always accurate but we’re always certain |
| G) On what we feel is wrong in this world, we can’t stop people from saying I don’t agree or I don’t care, but we won’t let them say I didn’t know |
| H) The director’s board has a whim of irony |
| I) In times of emergency, we should rally around our President: In times of democracy he should do the same for us |
| J) We proudly plagiarize in advance, examples available upon request |
| K) It’s easy to be fun-based when you’re fact based |
| L) Good news parody makes for good news parity |
| M) And, of course, our goal is and always will be to be the most trusted name in Faux News |
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